mountainhands:

I am half in love
and half in hate
with you.
Its like my left
hand is pushing
you away
and my right is
pulling you in.
My bones are
aching for your
touch, but
my lips
are screaming
leave.
A civil war
in my body
at one am.
and i’m terrified
to find out
who wins.

It’s 3:30a I haven’t slept yet. Why can’t I sleep? I don’t feel tired but I know I’ll feel it later on today.

What’s going on? Am I still in shock? :( I shouldn’t be. This is what I deserve…less of everything.

Please…I need to sleep. I want to sleep. I don’t like being awake. I just want the days to end sooner now but that’s impossible when I can’t fall asleep…

Deep inside I am raging right now. Numbness because of shock. I’ve been asking for this for months right? I got what I want now.

Keep silent. Everything will be bottled up. Can I say anything? I’d rather not. Keep this vague…people will ask. It doesn’t matter. I was just a trial.

Maybe that was the reason why I went to White Rock today.

Nothing. Just meant to be nothing.

Tomorrow’s agenda: Throw everything that means something away…

14 months

TRU sent me an email saying they printed my parchment (my diploma) for the diploma in management in HR major yesterday. I should be receiving it in the mail. But I’m not sure if I’ll be walking across the stage in October since I applied for that. If not then I can do that next year in October after I completed my B. Comm HRM 😊 I’m so happy right now. I asked my dad if he can put it on the wall beside my brother’s stuff too and he said “yea, line it up”. I didn’t see the email until I got home tonight. I couldn’t check my blackboard using my phone. Such great news. Saturday is celebration time!!

Btw, still don’t know what to do for my birthday on the 28th… 😕

F taking a nap right now even though I have a massive headache and I know I need it but I need to be productive. Finished one assignment. This summer is just too depressing and discouraging. At least I’m not getting sick yet before my birthday which happens every year!!

Job hunting. Studying. Listening to music.

Work was slow today. Made my first panini today. The bacon tomato one, some flat bread breakfast, and few other grilled cheese paninis. I learned today that you can order half a panini. Should’ve known since I can’t finish the whole thing. I actually like the oatmeal too. More brown sugar haha next time I’ll add milk because it’s really thick and it’ll cool faster. Our sandwich unit is always not working properly and it’s been weeks. I heard we might get a new unit because we’re losing customers plus I want to learn to make the other sandwiches too.
Still a good day. Could be better but tomorrow’s another day 😊